eden

He has loved

I have loved

like the garden created.

He was Adam

His rib all i thought i needed,

this till we, had our first sin in Eden.

He gave me life with every touch

and every touch created lust

and love that made my toes curl

mornings were filled with even morning afters

cause , oddly i came from the rib of man,  not creator.

I was Eve

He loved

a woman as naked as myself

who’s spirit would bear words

with my body worshiped by the pagans and the moons of a year

the sun reminding me of the purity of the place i came from.

We fell a thousand times

stood more times than that after we had the forbidden

counted the sin and lost count as we remained unforgiven

in the others embrace we couldn’t be cast out

no hell, no heaven, just a garden.

He has loved

I have loved

We had fruits from the Garden.

good bye.

Night has fell

It seems like centuries ago but the warmth of empathy and sweat remains on my hands.

Its almost dawn

It seems like centuries ago but it feels as if to begin I have failed.

Time undone and done again would not change the memories we have made

I’m guiltless, remorseless in all.

We have began a journey that comes to a end tonight.

Its always beautiful to bid farewell without bitterness that burns out the essence of a journey well traveled.

Its in admiration of a new life to accept change and believe in a dream with an open heart.

Dear An’

Here I am, thinking about you for the 100th time this week. I’ve had this feeling of forgetfulness for a long time now, well since the 30th actually. Must say its been a heavy haunting feeling. Its the 10th today and I’ve eventually figured it out. Its your birthday month big Sis. You would have turned 27 had He not taken you away.

Never have i ever been this miserable, never have I missed you more and it amazing because I’ve never even met you. I was about twelve when our father first mentioned you to me and I recall how mother was quick to stop the conversation. He was so sad when he spoke, he had tears in his eyes, so did mom. I’ve never seen such hurt. If there was anything you needed to know it would be that they love you even beyond death. I love you too buuut anyways, haven’t had much peace since then. I don’t even know the cause of your death, people don’t want to give me answers. It’s all so frustrating.

I often think about how different things would have been if you were here with me, you know.. had i gone though my depression? Would my laugh annoy you? Would you look like mom or dad? All things I will never have answers to.

I realised your birthday is on the 22th  and mine is on the 11th (dec) and i found it a bit humorous.. [11 x 2]. I actually wrote all this to get to this point, silly right? Listen, I really wish things weren’t this way. You would have taught me so much, figured out the things I’m struggling with, guided me.. I’m such a fuck up. I wish you were here An’. It hurts.

With all that said in my first letter to you, happy birthday to you beautiful.

With Love

Neo

xoxo

Moonchild

Thought out my young ages that I’ve survived in this life nothing has ever made complete sense.

I’ve never been able to piece it together,  neither good or bad had worked for each other.

My mature soul had been passive,

I often wondered on whether I was a Starchild who had been trapped in day while her murmur twin chants to the moon.

Perhaps I was a Moonchild, a wolf.

Like Life. Like Love. Like Ice Cream.

I love the irony of life;

That particular beauty found in love that’s accompanied by blissful solitude and stabbing pains in the chest reminding you that you’re only human and well, not love.

Life is like melting ice cream

you gotta eat it all up before it all just..

Okay, i’m lying..

Life is nothing like ice cream

or sunny days

or a beautiful song you don’t know the title to on the radio.

Life is like You.

Life is like your beautifully woven skin that tells stories through complexion, scars and stitches sown in

It starts relations through sweat

It keeps relation by tears soaking in.

Its sun beaten summer days walks to parks where we first touch, then interlock, hold then start kissing..

Life is ashy knees from prayers when mothers weep that daughters are out and stars are out and lights are out but they’re not sleeping.

Life is skin, cracked and rough and dirty with sin

It is marks of slaves on men picking cotton to save bare black back skin so that wife and son don’t go hungry cause white mans money is missing.

Its not happiness nor depression

Its not solitude or oppression.

Its that beautiful black and blue beaten spirit that manages to find joy after prayers while your ice cream is falling.

Love Yourself

Love Yourself Enough

Love Yourself Enough To Walk Away.

 

Some People Aren’t Out Looking For Love, They’re Looking For Help.

My Fathers Thoughts.

I am Black enough

I am Loud enough

I am Hood enough.

 

Baby Girl, I know you’re feeling like you aren’t living

Growing up I was too ambitious, something I never wanted you to be.

I was a Wild Child.

Traveled.

Protested in streets.

Ran off aged 19.

Drove a Cara-Cara by 21.

Wed my sweetheart at 25.

 

Everything I kept away from you with all my strength.

So I worked day and night for you.

Moved into the ‘burbs for you.

Bought you the world I never discovered for you.

 

I didn’t see that I shielded you too much,

I didn’t realize that I was pushing you into a world that wasn’t ready for you.

I thought I knew enough and almost let you drown..

 

In your bubble I watched you grow.

 

Surrounded by what you knew too well yet never noticed.

Surrounded by Hate and Laughter,

Surrounded by Black and White.

 

I realised later that it was my fault;

You, my only baby girl, walked in and soiled my soul

Your tears wrecked my spirit.

Rough neck bastards had kicked your innocence in and broke down your castle.

 

You professed the misery of ages,

you had noticed hate and love

you had noticed sorrow and laughter

you had noticed Black and White.

 

All because..

you weren’t black enough

you weren’t light enough

you weren’t White enough.

Undercover Fucker.

Snapshot_20120706_16

you fought again and you’re back to me

because unlike her, my morals are cheap

text comes thought – “no panties tonight”

i bite my lip, release a victorious war cry acknowledging what we’re gonna have to do.

 

you’re barely in and we’re past these material things

these physical scars and nonsensical emotions that she finds interesting.

 

i’m ripping shirts,

stretching limbs,

penetrations going deep within,

back arching

then breaking,

i’m found, you’re lost between the viscous spin of lust, jealousy and twisted sheets at our feet.

hair pulling,

breath losing

grips leave bruising too.

seemingly i’ve let one lose, i somehow, painstaking whisper, “baby, i, i love you”

 

my juices ooze

you smoke your cigarette

 

i realize you didn’t even look at me, not even for a moment or two.